Coming Clean

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Coming Clean

Post by >MF< on Tue Nov 06, 2012 12:12 pm

Warning: I'm gonna be a huuuge dickbag probably in this topic, so whatever you have to say, feel free to say either here or over Steam: I want to hear it. Also gonna be a long read, but if you do at least still care for me and my opinions a tiny bit I'd appreciate if you still read this how long it may be.

Ehmyea, things didn't go the right way yesterday...and haven't been for quite a while now. We haven't been doing well since the summer, TF2 highlander wise. I'm not gonna say anything about the period before this summer, I had the time of life before that. But after the summer things changed...I'll give you a small recap of my experiences.

Firstly I knew I needed to recruit a few more players, so I did. It left us with a wonderful new spy main, a really awesome engi and a somewhat unintroduced Spy/Scout sub which I feel really bad about (Sorry Deox, but you might not ever get to read this). At the start of UGC, we were having some rather internal things going on, everyone probably knows the most of this, but after our first match the team's core fell apart. We played a few matches/scrims with a new combo and it seemed to work for a bit. After a few weeks, I got to talk to Dok again and I was thrilled when she came back when I asked her to, I thought things were going to change. I was wrong. Yes, we did beat a few pretty good teams and we had fun....or so I thought. But what I had been hammering on, and asking from players didn't happen once again...being more involved and playing more TF2. I even asked everyone a few times if they really wanted to go for it and were prepared to do whatever it took. Appearantly no one had the balls to tell the truth to my face, since all I got was 'yes's' and 'sure's'...but no one did change. I only got Niall more involved in our strategies, which he deserves quite a bit of respect for what he's done when I didn't want to do anything anymore that last week we just had. I tried getting Dok to step it up as well, but appearantly she couldn't. What we really needed was a leader in-game, and no one had it in them or it didn't come out well enough. There was overall chaos in our latest matches, and people weren't playing well. At all. I'd even go as far as to say it was just flatout bad. There was almost no spy awareness, no one knew what to do on maps (and this is directly linked to people not willing to/not putting into improving, getting to know the maps and figuring out what to do on maps WITH THE WHOLE TEAM).

On top of all of this, what has worried me the most, and this is the most selfish bullshit I've ever spawned...but no one was playing the game anymore. It was only a handful of people (you know who you are) that did play TF2 outside of Scrims and Matches. I know I can't force people to play a certain game if they don't want it. But goddammit you're playing this game COMPETITIVE. And we were on a decently high level as well, you cannot expect to do well with only playing scrims and matches and just not giving a fuck about TF2 outside of it. All I wanted was for us to just play together occasionally, be it lobbies or pubs or whatever...but people were thinking differently about this, which really disappointed me.

I have put hours upon hours upon hours in this game, no, in this team...and what did I get back now in the end? A bunch of people that are saying 'Yea basically I haven't been enjoying the game anymore for a couple of months now, but I kinda just stuck around', basically wasting my time but also everyone else's time that was really serious about this team. And it's sickened me. I've never been selfish, I've never been someone to think about myself but I've been thinking about all of the time I've wasted on this team while I was blind to what other people really wanted...and I'm not sure who to blame for this or be mad at...all I know now is I'm hurt. I hope you guys all know by now that everything you do for and in this team will have consequences for the rest of the people. Showing up late for scrims, not even knowing what maps we're playing, this is all part of how I feel I've been let down hard and it got worse every time I heard something along those lines.

I want to do a writeup of every one of you guys with how I feel towards you and your behavior of the past few months, I'm trying not to cross too many lines but I feel like if I don't say it now I will never be able to anymore and I'll just feel horribly depressed about all of this....and maybe I'll regret posting this, who knows. Here goes:
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Re: Coming Clean

Post by >MF< on Tue Nov 06, 2012 12:12 pm

Aziel: You haven't been around much the last weeks, I know it's been busy at work, but I missed you a lot of those matches even when you did say you were gonna be there. Was disappointed by that, but you've been understanding of how I felt and I appreciate that.
BG: I'd been pretty disappointed with your commitment prior to Dok's return...and not really satisfied with some of your plays but I can say that for pretty much everyone, myself on top of that list. I just want you to know I really appreciate you've been there for me, us, when we really needed players.
Brent: You've really disappointed me, we haven't really random talked like we used to in a loooong time (and yea I miss that) and overall you've just given off the impression you do not care anymore for this team nor the TF2 competitive scene. I know the engi class is utterly boring to most people, but you could've talked about that waaaay before all of this drama came out.
Deox: I don't really know you well enough, and the matches you played were fine. I'm just really sorry for not properly introducing you to the rest of the team, but in my defense it was mostly due to all the drama already going on.
Dok: Where do I start here...it's probably not a big secret to anyone that we've been awfully close but I also feel like you put up this barrier outside of you to keep me out, which is fine, but it kinda hurts. I'm not going to blame you for all of what's been going on, but you cannot deny yourself that you've been a pretty big part in all of it. Still, you must not feel sad about this, that's just the way things went...can't change that. Yes you failed to step up in terms of leadership, but at least you're the one that tried. I admire that. Once again like I said above here, it really disappointed me you weren't having fun anymore in TF2 in general and you kinda stuck around HL for me alone...and I feel bad about letting you go through that. I do feel tho that you've been unfair on me sometimes with promising things you haven't done and once again that hurt. I'll be happy to give more explanation in private because it's really, really complicated and it'd take me way too many words.
Fred: Pretty much the same as @ Brent...just mostly disappointed in the lack of investment over the last couple of months.
Leif: Been a really great sub, ready to jump in whenever needed most of the times. Don't have much too add since he probably won't read this.
Ling: This guy here knows EXACTLY how I feel and we think alike about most things. Been my person to go to most of the times to complain about things and he understands me. Greatly appreciate that, you've been a really good friend in general...even tho you've had some clashes with people by telling them what needed to be said really.
Lucky: Same as with Leif, and has been kinda busy with reallife stuff I know the last few months. Nothing to add.
Neko/Bleu: Been a fantastic sub as well, albeit not having a mic, you've done pretty well every time I've asked you to play for us. Also done a great job on maintaining this website and has been a nice guy overall.
Niall: I've said multiple times, this has probably been my best pickup ever and I still believe this. No disrespect to other people, but Niall is a great player and a great person. He knows how to communicate things well even on his young age and he has my respect for that. Been there for me to rant as well and has actually been going in against me sometimes, what I really need.
Piddox: You're yet another golden pickup for me. You've always been really serious about improving and getting better and you haven't shied away from asking me (or other people) to tell you what you could do better which is in my opinion a really great quality. You've been spending so much time on this game and to get better at heavy when I asked you to be our main heavy, it's been awesome. Big props to you.
Pinkie: What can I say about you...it's been pretty ragey along the road but you've been honest with me all the time and you've communicated with me greatly the last few weeks/months which I really appreciate.
Rvsz: You've been quite the special person but you do have the right ideas in mind I think. You've also been a great engi and great sub/support for us the times we needed it.

I´d like to end this with a heartfelt apology if I´ve come across as a dickbag with this post, I just feel like I need to speak my mind on this....
And you should all know I´ve enjoyed what time I´ve spend with you guys and you´re all great, wonderful people. I have not looked forward to this day, but the day has come for me finally to say goodbye to this team, at least for this upcoming etf2l season, and from what I´ve heard and fear...forever. I do not want you guys to give up, I do not want to lose any of you guys as a friend. Friends are important to me, conversations I have with them are important to me, so I hope we can keep in contact...I´m sure we´ll have things in common if some of you will never touch TF2 again. It´d be really sad if people decided to stop now, especially just in the start of a season, and I secretly hope I´ve sparked something with this post.
All I´ve ever wanted for this team was that we be serious, but also have fun at playing highlander, without changing up the roster too much. I could go on for a bit more but I think this is enough for now...I´ve had my rant. Now I only hope you people will read this.

It´s been fun times you guys, and I hope it´s not over. Let your life be filled with joy and excitement even if it does not include me and may you never forget the good times we´ve had together,

MF.
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Re: Coming Clean

Post by Brentolinni on Thu Nov 08, 2012 10:07 am

sorry
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Re: Coming Clean

Post by prof on Fri Nov 09, 2012 9:04 pm

Brentolinni wrote:sorry

where was my shoutout you dickbags
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Re: Coming Clean

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